Vows Don't Have Be Hard

For a change of pace I thought I might give you all some insight on the vow writing process.  As more and more couples are deciding to write their own, they are realizing just how difficult it can be.  Sure, I know you love each other, but how do you say that in a paragraph or two?  Here are some ideas and examples.

1.  First of all and most importantly, don't wait until the last minute.  I know you think you got this, but trust me, you don't.  Vows are important.  You don't want them to be a last minute rush job.  You want them to be meaningful and even funny, if you choose to go that way.

2.  Say "I love you".  Seems like a no-brainer, but in your zeal to write the perfect words, this little phrase is often overlooked.

3.  Make a list of things you want to say, anecdotes about your life, how you met, things you love about your partner, things that annoy you (yes, it can be funny), and anything else that comes to mind.

4.  Write a draft, then another, then another, then another, until it is exactly what you want.  You'll know when you've nailed it.

5.  Then practise saying it out loud.  See if it rolls off the tongue easily.  Does it trip you up at all?  Then change the wording.  Once you think it's perfect, put it away somewhere safe - either on your phone or give it to your officiant.  Keep it away from your partner.

6.  The day before your big day, go over it one last time.  Do you still like it?  Good!  Job well done!  It will be great the next day at your wedding.

For anyone having trouble coming up with vows, I've compiled a selection that might ignite your creativity.  Today's examples are pulled from some favourite movies.  Enjoy.

From Lord of The Rings

I would rather spend one lifetime with you than spend all of the Ages of this world alone.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

From Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

If ever two people were more meant for each other, we'll just have to hunt them down, kill them, and bury them in the desert.

From Doctor Who

You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, when you meet them you think, Not bad. They're OK. And then you get to know them and…and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful. You’re the most beautiful man I've ever met.

From Harry Potter

Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.

Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.

We can’t choose our fate, but we can choose others. Be careful in knowing that.

You are protected, in short, by your ability to love!

We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.

Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also

What's comin' will come, and we'll meet it when it does.

From Star Wars

You are the Obi Wan for me.

Anakin

My Queen, may the Force be with us as we travel through the galaxy of life. I pledge to never turn to the Dark Side but stand forever in the illumination of our love. I vow to fight the Evil Emperor and I invite you take your place at my side as we rule the galaxy. Take my hand and stand with me for light and justice throughout our lives.

Padme

My Jedi, my love, I take your hand and accept your pledge. May the force be strong with us all the days of our lives. There is good in you, I sense it. Remain a Jedi and I will stand by you. I pledge to you my love and my companionship as long as I live.

 Han

Princess, I love you more than I love the Millennium Falcon. I'll give up a lifetime riding the galaxies in search of treasure with Chewie just to be with you. Together we can withstand anything, even the Death Star, Jabba the Hut and Darth Vader. Come with me and we will make this world and the others around it ours. I'll take part in any rebellion you want and pledge my life and love to you, Princess.

Leia

Han, no matter what world we crash land on, I know that you will take good care of us. No matter what happened in the past, I know you are brave, intelligent and I love you. Together we can stand against injustice wherever we find it and bring freedom to our world.

 Unknown

 I close my eyes I see my home, I see peace, I see tranquility, I see you.  I vow to be your peace, your tranquility, your home.

Of course I promise to love you, but I promise to buy the lottery tickets, order the takeout, shovel the snow, plant the tulips, open the wine, pop the corn and kiss you every night.  That’s what love is!

 

The Art of Marriage

Today was a lovely day.  Not necessarily weather wise, but definitely otherwise.  I had the privilege of performing a handfasting ceremony for a really lovely couple.  It's not often I get to do that, and it was really such a pleasure.

A wedding is largely about symbols; symbols are important and helpful because they make an idea and a value concrete and physical - something we can see and touch. They're helpful because they serve as a powerful reminder of a time and place and a memory - a feeling and even a promise - that may have faded over time.

Handfasting is a symbol like this.  It's one of the world's oldest wedding traditions and it's found in cultures all over the world.  In joining hands, the couple symbolizes how they freely offer their lives to one another.  And in fastening their hands together, the ribbon symbolizes how the couple leaves with their lives now bound up together - how after today, and idea of two stories comes together and two sets of hopes and desires for the future are joined in commitment and intention.

So, without giving away any names, thank you for the honour of allowing me to be part of your ceremony.

Now, onto today's wedding reading.  I think it should be The Art of Marriage by W. A. Peterson.  Here it is.

"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created. In marriage the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow old.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner; it is being the right partner."